I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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