no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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