I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize