So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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