Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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