Need sex. Gaining weight.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
