I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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