am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
