You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
