let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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