there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Someone signed my nipple.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
