Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
soo... how was my night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
