I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
