What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
