y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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