I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
