It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize