Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
