Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
