Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
