his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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