I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
