i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
