I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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