I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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