I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
