my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize