I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
