Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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