remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
