TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
