Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
