White coat. Heels.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
