I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
