Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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