very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
