And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We don't watch enough power rangers
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
COCAINE IS GR8
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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