I just pynch a tree in the face
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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