Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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