some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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