it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
