I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
