Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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