I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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