i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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