take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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