Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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