Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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