woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
