My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
