The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
