You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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