Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
