Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
