the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
