you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
