Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
