I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My dick has a subreddit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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