So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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