Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
