I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
