Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize