I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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