You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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