I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
