I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
