Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
