After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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