The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
