We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
