I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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