I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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