it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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