At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
