Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
