Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
