You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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