Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
