I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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