Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize