i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
