btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
