Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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