I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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