so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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