I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
