i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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