Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
