i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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