textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
