i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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