what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize